an empty void, a forgotten dream, a sense of lost almost in despair pity.. this sounds vivid but is a description of a man who's sight has wavered from eternity.. the greatness you have called, the places you have meant, it was endowed like a mantle of authority, catching a glimpse of this greatness will cause hearts to ignite and explode in awe.. the awe that even with the most accurate words can only show how far words cannot describe the intangible power of your greatness...
somehow, u have awaken causing an awareness of such potential opportunity that can slip into my hands, but yet you have not fully release them for you know i will waste it in folly..
i dare dream dreams with the mind you have given, i know that nothing i can think of is ever something that you have not place in my mind, i am sure beyond any convincing that the passions of my heart were all manufactured and call forth from you my lord.. because nothing i have i can even posses if not for your hands in my life.. including visions and dreams..
i know you are not a cruel father, to drop things as a mere example of what i cannot achieve.. because of your perfection its an impossibility that a part of me was ever a mistake, or a wasted portion.. give me strength to believe that every valley is a training in secret, that every thought brought in was forged in the armoury of your presence..
i close my eyes tonight to see that i can see more.. to look at what others cannot see.. to hold forth truth that others are afraid to recognize.. if letting go of all self vindication means taking all your vindication, i gladly hold what you can give..
its so strange, that this is all i can say to the deep spiritual deposit you are filling me.. i have to stop writing here, and now kneel to give you praise.. at a weak time as this, you are so real.. my heart will burst from the greatness you have filled.. overflows with the goodness of your love..
you drew the selah from my lips...
this is not poem or a nursery rhyme,
i wish it was a psalm but the bible has its balance on the word perfect..
its not a place to contest the saddest words, nor the beautiful wordplay,
what is this space on a virtual reality then?
i say its "Like the Caves of Adullam"
where the strong finds a place to say words of victory into desolation and distress.. here is where the spoils of battles are gathered in the midst rejection from those who do not understand.. this is where the flesh shall have its last reign before its slaughter for the spirit to take over..
no one who dwell in this cave could say they have arrived, but no one in this cave can say they were defeated.. tears shed but blood more.. wounds are real, but growth was undeniable.. the plight of men is displayed for its defeat and incapacity to grip on..
superman always had crisis to face.. but gone are those days for the world needs a better hero.. because i'm not gonna just face crisis and overcome, but crisis shall face me, and realize that its real place is not anymore glorified than vegetable on my dinner plate..
lions and bear, mountains and sea, problems and crisis,
shall look the same when they say sorry...
boast their fiery cries, and their mighty blows
all it shall be but a weak pagan's crow,
great is their confidence on actions and deeds,
but all is found is my condolences to their defeat.. Its nice when you.. - chuckle like you mean it when its really not funny.. - not care what others think and play along my silly stints.. - look at me with your red eyes and say your alright when i did hurt you - say that you're full because you want me to have your food
- make me feel so smart when you are obviously right
- to ask me if i'm alright, when you needed it more
- thank me so much when u helped me more.. - read my post and not reply, so that others wont know it is you
That is just grace you find, that is never deserving..
sometimes it feels like it isn't normal to find amusements in the things others dont.. to laugh at the little that happens others miss, or perhaps to make meaning to the non-logical.. In a life that everything has to make sense what is the meaning in loosing your joy understanding everything, playing proper to everyone, like this world isnt your playground to enjoy the goodness around you.
mockery almost in desolation when the world cant see the things the same way, but its not so lonesome anymore because of you, the beautifully god sent being, you have the sweetest eyes that make candy out of every bitter glint, your ears hear my secret sighs but with your lips, you sprout the kindest arrangement of encouraging love..
i have not slept the whole night, working on powerpoint slides till the sky grew bright.. felt like some kind of urban out field, not the body but the mind.. i'm glad i deal with wise people whose wisdom coagulate in such density.. if nothing is gain, i have learnt too much to say i've got nothing out of this.. even in failure, i wont forget this growth i found for the inside..
nothing i have i deserve.. thats why i do believe most in things that dont make sense.. guess what, my last post was the highest viewed ever... its funny, probably the guilty busk in his iniquity, something for fools to gather and have a fellowship about.. dwell with fools long enough and the foolish things becomes normal.. but well, now that all that is gone, all of that dont matter anymore.. set free from the dwellings of beings i choose not =)
life with freedom is just awesome.. u choose the people you meet, the work you do, the time you sleep.. after all, life is a gift.. and why do blogs have to be gloomy? i saw your pretty words just trying to drain every eye from sympathy.. i wish i meet someone like you but before i do, i saw your words(press) and its so saddening, you talk about waking up and thinking if you should breathe? and that you felt good because you dont wanna die, or like sitting on a bridge thinking how far beneath is?
well i guess we can never be reminded how much we have, even this land with peace that we did nothing to deserve, the space we live that grew in like an entitlement.. your pretty eyes, nose, mouth face is all like just a picture worn by a child unaware of its surrounding.. you hear from the same pulpit, but you breathe not the same spirit.. yet i spilled my heart for you.. oh holly jolly saddening me.. i dont know you, but perhaps makes me grieve..
and so thats why i my lips prays for you my spouse.. that wherever you are, may the Lord lay his hands of preparation upon your soul that it may keep you and protect you, guide you and love you, that the day i should see you, may i be blessed and pleasured by your person and more so, your spirit..
i long for that day to come.. i shall see you in eternity my love... yes, the season of blogging has came and this page has found its use again..
Well lets talk about this guy u really really want to kill? wouldnt it be nice? c'on, dont everybody have someone like that in your life?
well i do have him.. SERIOUSLY, the only thing that is stopping my fist from going through his head, is probably the camp, and the law.. i mean, give me JUST ONE REASON! ONE GOOOD REASON WHY WOULDNT I KILL HIM... cause there isnt, and even if theres any, its a 100 multiplier in essence to why i should do so..
YOU ingrate! and insolent fool! you bite the hands that feed you, THE VERY HANDS THAT FEED YOU! u make the word pathetic lose its value on your lost perception of yourself.. oh gosh, what a foolish hole you have dug for yourself.. you busk in your insecure glory, you laugh at the wisdom of my God, you glorify Satan but know not what u have brought on for yourself..
my anguish now lies in your existence, oh what waste will you be to society, for you are like the left overs of crumbs fallen from the food, left on the pathway to rot yet living a mind as if you thought u're still desirable.. but fact is, you are nothing but the foul smell that escapes from the crumb that is decomposing on a path that no one cleans.. not even worthy to be part of the crumb of the main substance..
just like how this post will end, so goes your passing smell.. enjoy cause its the only existence you have.. Just like how a friend offers a hand to pick me up when i fall, STRENGTH finds me at the level of my name, like an identity to which the style of things i do is fashioned with the idea of might and valor. Every morning, when i dorn on my uniform, i find it written on my name, or at least most of it, as if its hidden for me to see and be reminded that thats the way i am made for
Tony stark says he is ironman, clark kent says he is superman and peter parker too has a name called spiderman. Now, what i have in common with these man is that we all wear a suit that requires us to do things that shames what it means to be safe and normal, because this is the suit of invincibility,
It is the suit where we remember the greatest physical challenge we ever accomplished, the very same suit where man look at us seeing more beyond our bodies, where we live as higher beings which can only be esteemed as larger than life, we remember who and what this identity means in this suit and manner of how we finish up our missions with the stint of our character and style
These men understands greatness and their call, the responsibility of which they hold as well as the purpose each time they dorn their suits, but all these flaws to thee which brings to me to reveal to you what my name is on that as they never live to breathe the same air as me
Unlike them i sweat and bleed on soil i really live, i do so with a suit that is camouflaged in green, on this suit prints the name of my soil on the left of my chest, on top and in my heart is embroiled and stained SINGAPORE for without that i dont have the use of the suit, the reason of these 2 years of service.
MY NAME is S.R.TENG, the undercover of STRENGTH, where my style and fashion in finishing my mission is spelled.
STRENGTH to stand when the wind is strong, to be firm like a rock that holds down all that weavers, to be the power with discretion, to overcome the greater and become more than a conqueror. To live the harsh knowing that life is not a battle of how hard i can hit, but how much hard hits i can take and yet be able to hit back.
Today, i look at my name, knowing it isnt my choice, but chosen being bestowed upon me, i say again, let STRENGTH be and STRENGTH for me and others. May i grow in this and infinitely be definite and defined like how i was called from my mothers womb.
I AM, S R TENG! Hey men
Saw your post, thanks..
gosh.. dude.. u're doing a seriously high risk maneuver but...
what the heck.. =)
to the closest friend god has sent as a brother to me.. thank you!
cause i've never wrote an entire post for a guy before..
but u'll be the first guy that i write this post to..
and all the gay comments can just fade away just like my fear for them did..
(who cares) haha!
like you say, our walk and journey is supernaturally parallel and pure..
but u're right.. i believe i needa see more of jesus and less of people..
thanks...
=) i cannot say thank you enough too.. i guess flowering up words to express gratitude is only gonna bring down how much appreciation and thanks i feel to these few days of 20yrs old.. Thanks soo much for everything... =)
THANKS...
Run all for your name...
how far would we do it?
even if your closest friends mock you, will u do it?
when your brothers doubt you, are u still the anointed?
would you run for his name in being persecuted of being superficially spiritual?
because they dont grasp what you have seen?
somehow i found myself somewhere in the midst of what i described
but it aint them that i run for... it is God and his words and his promises i want to see come true...
and i'll still run on this track cause YOU have shown me this path..
and if i fail den i shall learn,
Give me strength and guts to know YOU are all i need...
Lord i pray that u give me wisdom
for it aint my fault that you love me,
but help me transfer share this love you have gave..
so that others will know this love
cause love aint something that is explained but is something experienced in your presence.. whats it mean to run all for God's name? is it so painful to step out in faith? (but not knowing will lead to not believing and to never knowing).. maybe life is too short to live never trying.. to live never failing, to live never standing up, to live never stronger....
whats it like to fail? what happens why is success never familiar but failure (before full blown) brings fear as if it has came so familiarly..
but would you believe in the areas you have failed in before? especially in the areas that hasnt come true, would you press in and say NO, i believe it still and it aint over till christ is glorified in my life... cause thats where the giants go down.. its where after the first round and u stand up and say, God you're my DJ cause u are the God of Turnarounds!!!
life will throw its hardest punch at you, but thats why we live it, to say i survive the hardest punch and since i'm still standing, i'll punch it back saying its my life, and i'm larger than life!
(lord, i press in cause this giant wont leave and neither shall i, cause this is my place and this is my life u have given me, so i wont let this uncircumcised punk depict how i live it)
i only know one thing now, by faith isnt by thinking or understanding, it is best known as giving up cause i know i cant... (thank god its so easy) cause even if we cant, we still can give up in believing him...
Run all for God's name... because my name is so insignificant compared to his.. that greatness aint found in the spirit of a man, but in the spirit of God found in a man.
What is there to offer when the things done is out for self promotion? so what if greatness is found when it cannot change the lives of others but just show how hopeless they are?
God be the solution: Run for his name, cause it aint your name you promote, but his name you become an ambassador, living out what he wants the ppl you touch to live out as well..
lord, help me abandon all self, cause in it births nothing but just miserly effort.. i drop my name today and pick yours up.. i'm yours.. haha so i blurt out what i have been thinking about these few days..
i'm trying to blog regularly now.. its quite a precious time till my enlistment date 8 OCT 09.. what if i meet extraordinary men, men who refuse to sulk when task masters meant to pull our spirits down, who does things beyond glory and honour, whose lives are changed because we meet one another.. Lord, may these men be blessed even as i speak now, that they are being kept and prepared for the journey that we may share, that we become glorious because of your hand in ours.. That it shall be a walk with you by our side...
I had a revelation about the women i want in my life.. and i want to pen this down so that i shall never forget, and when the day comes, the chosen girl will have no choice but to believe the value i've seen in her. its undeniable that there are a hundreds of different hot girls around.. and in hotness alone, there is different class of hotness.. beyond that, comes the cute ones.. and further on comes the happening kind and everything else... so shall the list goes on.. but above this list, comes the HIGHER LIST where these women live a life that isnt all about themselves.. they are not just happening girls with different fun-filled cliques and activities jam-packed after every week end.. but these women knows that they have a destiny and a reason for their existent.. a reason that exist beyond survival.. they know that their life is called for a purpose.. and this purpose brings light to their surrounding.. they know their light and have a concrete harbour to deliver the meaning of their existence in an unshakable confidence.. These women know their ministry and has greatness for a cause...
(and when i meet her, i shall fear her, for such greatness would mean nothing if i aint a part of her life.. as i lend my strength i become strengthened for being able to be strength itself for her..)
and in that list itself, comes THE LIST where women loves Jesus... the most beautiful of all.. for who could love me if she cant love someone as beautiful as Jesus.. she has to love Jesus the way i love him, or else it means nothing cause thats where my heart shall be found.. In Christ alone... Lord, let this be the standard you have called me to remember.. for you are my provider.. like abraham going up the hill, the lamb shall climb on the other side too.. and untill we meet, shall we not falter and settle for less.. for on the top we shall walk into eternity..  | CRY | Apr 22, '09 10:08 AM
for everyone |
have you ever cried so much about the same problem?
as in cried in a desperation, where you cry not the tears but the agony?
a cry thats like a twisted wrench going opposite sides of your heart..
like you cry not the voice nor the sound where the tears and sound dont matter its just all breaths of agony coming out of your heart and lungs...
so what if i could cry, its all useless...
as painful as it is, its is useless if i dont believe theres someone out there holding my cry... crying alone in the room is tiring.. especially if u know that people could hear but dont care.. or the kind that hopes that it'll be over when u stop.. like how they the same avoiding traits first brought these tears is probably how it will deal with this tears as well..
when ever i asked myself why is things like that..
i tell myself that its fine cause others go through it, just a different intensity..
like we just gotta find our way out?
but now.. i think thats only a nice way to say... yea, i'm still cool.. going strong in faith whooo!!
seriously i think thats utterly bullshit!!!!!
it aint normal.. lord, u bring me here.. u put me here.. let me know u are here with me too...
cause knowing greatness is really painful if i dont live it !!
ohhh this growth is really painful to take..
if u want to make me so great why does it have to be soooo painful too?
urghh.. yes, i know the calling is irrevocable.. but the painful i need to go through as well? is it irrevocable??
alright maybe it goes this way...
even if i'm going down... i'm already down anyway...
no harm moving up?
Lord let me know u felt this pain...
maybe i just want to cry tonight...
where there is just no strength to be strong anymore...
please be my strength once again... lost HP, Bad feedback, blah blah blah... urghhh but i know the lord is good... he vindicates the things that man cannot.. (restores double for the trouble) if its a string of attacks, den it is trying to follow the strings of blessing that i already have.. experiencing an upward stumbling i suppose... i shall wait, and glorify the times of revival and vindication... well so much has happen yet so much has happened again i say...
i havent been blogging after so long, i dont know if can still write the way i do..
but reading back, i so forget how i used to be.. so much stronger then...
or maybe its the strength of days that i write not the valleys of the nights...
"well if you dont blog people will have nothing to read about you" a friend said.. yes thats true... simple and true but not quickly understood...
thanks for that encouragement..
updates hmmm ok.. all your answers will be here in accordance of a quick thought of importance and weigh.. you decide...
- graduated from poly
- working part time at num still (they dont value my schedule, maybe can't thats how i feel)
- taking up life saving 1,2,3 and then for BM
- wating for NS (pes B napha silver if you're wondering)
- grandma had a massive stroke.. and this is really tiring/draining/etc because i really love her now...
well hols cant be worst because of that.. dont know what to say but yea.. i really love her.. not ready to share about it.. but yes, i'm dealing with it, learning how to deal with it, and asking god how would i deal with it too...
selah? oh yes i need to talk to you lord...
in all these things.. could there be a fault, cause its seems wrecked and painfull for these simple reason i cannot keep my head up above these waters which i cant swim out of to breathe the air i need to keep alive or die...
ohhh lover of my soul u want me blessed so much u bleed and died... be the air for me to breathe so my hearts beat again, so that i wont drown in troubled waters but instead in your love...
ahhh.. ordeals arent tragedies but to make me stronger like bear for food?
then teach me this art of hunt for food to be strong for others too..
out of that (word) forest if it aint art to your eyes it was at least to mine..
the stench of egoism and self-consciousness ends here
"i want all these to end but only if i become stronger"
"greatness for a cause" tonight..
i have given up from praying new prayers on old subject matters..
i learnt that praying for past prayers is only but for fear that it wasnt honoured..
i learnt the power of the Amens i've commited in the heavenly agreements is exceedingly powerfull then i can imagine.. and that i am but a minor shareholder in keeping my end to the prayer because you are more faithful to your word than i can ever be..
because of the AMENS that i have said, you will keep what you want me to have..
i shall honour your faithfulless my lord by believing the AMENS thats been said, and you shall have the glory rights in my life.. the lord my sponsor, my provider, my shepherd i shall not be in want..
-sits here for you to overwhelm.. so you stole my shame,
and and put it all upon yourself, all the things i cannot prove,
you shown it all to the world,
and i walk freely now,
away from sin and guilt
so dont ever let me boast,
cause it was never me at first,
it was never me at first, never at me, never...
__________________________________________________________________________ everyday you remind me how real you are in every situation,
for everything i dont know, you deliver me,
but also, humble me from the things i know,
pls remind me also its only known as the valley of shadow of death,
cause shadows are never formed without light..
the path of the righteous shines brighter and brighter
that means =)
the wisdom of the righteous goes wiser and wiser
the wealth of the righteous goes richer and richer
the height of the righteous grows taller and taller
the muscles of the righteous becomes bigger and bigger
the list goes on...
but in all these vanity of vanities, teach me more of your love... this night i've rehearsed a thousand screams
for what really makes a men when adversity comes,
i really cannot take it anymore...
a merciless continuous assault of projects makes it like an endless battle.. like a bridge that knows no end..
oh hand me the the chance of running not 42 but 84km and i might just do it instead of this battle fought on keyboard.
where big words account for just nothing but size.. dont bring that strange glowing rock near me please?? its drawing away my strength!!!!! its kryptonite damn it!!! throw it away!!!
of FATHER!!!! if you are willing pls.. take this cup away from me... for i am no rock... i sell myself no salvation.. i cannot do this anymore.. and let me fall so that i'll be found in your arms.. would you let go the universe just to lift me up once more!??
a voice even i didnt know... I havent really found a cause to pen down my thoughts untill recently..
its like i cant find the words cause i lost them the moment the fell out of my mouth,
but oh, i wish there was just more than that..
just more than that..
procrastination seemingly takes you further from your destination..
a humiliation of unending disappointment..
just which truth do i embrace?
a situational truth of the current battlefield, or the eternal truth of the word..
now men who bleed must choose what is real, and i choose the rights i have to honour his death not for it to be in vain...
two ways to see a situation:
1. yea i have been injured
2. his blood has made me righteous... the righteous is blessed
either way, both are truths, but both cancels out the other...
Only one can exist on a single body...
like darkness and light...
shine the light and let the people see..
for the glory of the risen king!!
i choose to believe your word...
where all else can fade away..
i promised myself not to do have any more sad entries... thus if sadness seemed to be, it is but just an art to my speech...
times have been different now..
been through some good times..
just like the phrase 'learning to breathe' -have also dealt with a lot of God times in my life..
spending God times with friends forge Godly Friendship for Kingdom Purposes..
oh yea, -shared lots of conversations about our ANGELS in our midst..
i have embarked on a route called "healthy mind" from the commercial with monkeys talking to one another.. commissioned myself to not have any negative thoughts of anyone especially my classmates, figured that it is un-honourable to ravish in ones' shortfall..
and guess what?
the ppl i hope not to work with, i have to work with them now...
guess since its the last sem what more than to be given into the same group to rub the real road with the rubber eh?
when i ask for a spirit of forgiveness, i received more opportunities to forgive -_-
funny, my entries never seem to do a proper closure..
as always, it ends like that la... woah.. seems like i've been fasting on blogging here.. (whatever)
had been blasted with a few new goodies to talk about.. talk about love? yea belive me, its happening everywhere.. i mean everywhere.. just try to not step on a brick called " i'm chasing someone/relationship" and you probably step on another brick called " yeap i'm in a relationship"
i cannot comprehend that new heat wave that came upon everyone, note that everyone refers to people i've met/talk/have contact with for the last XXXXXXX hours.. ( this sentence has no meaning, its for entertainment purposes receive it with a light heart would you? i still wanna be your friend really, no offence.. haha) but guess its a struggle to identify the uncommoness or to percieve and understand the purpose of this different season that has been planned for myself..
joke has that my other half has been really praying very hard, probably selfishly taking all favour from any potential threat that i might remain untouched and uncommon.. well whoever you are.... YOU REALLY HAVE A WAY WITH PRAYERS!!!!!!
but thanks if u prayed that i receive from my father who arts in heaven (blessed be his drawings too that i wish to see one day)
Now from my heart:
"stability is comforting, secures and give one a sense of peace.."
but for the ones with a heart never called faint... stability kills a man..
for it gains a superpower of seeing the future -everyday is the same..
there isnt anything different for him to learn to feed on and grow...
oh wait, i've went into a direction i'm not ready to speak about..
but what i'm saying is, unfamiliar ground never fails to bring the Jesus outta ya!
an unfamiliar council will only demand your best, for who will portray his worst but only for his closest peers to see..
- girls dont put make-up at home (a metaphor, not encouraging fakeness)
- guys dont build muscles for their parents to see
though an unfamiliar ground may cause one to loose himself but a familiar one will never fulfill his destiny..
step up and take a chance for our chances is in his hands..
shall my stability be of christ that rides upon the instability of the world..
-its always better to ride the waves than to sleep in the boat... | |
